Midnight Musings
by Way Worse Than Scottish
Summary: John lays awake thinking about his life and where he is in it. Set a couple of days before The Empty Hearse. John/Mary but implied strong relationship between John/Sherlock.


It's been a long time since I last saw him.

And it's been even longer since I saw him outside of my own head.

Mary's helped quite a bit. She's a great distraction… actually, she's more than that. When I'm around her I feel… more like myself. I'm John Watson. I'm not the associate of the great Sherlock Holmes; I'm not someone to be pitied. It's fantastic really.

And she's not a distraction anymore. She's not just there so I don't think about _him. _I really do enjoy her company, and better yet, she enjoys mine. It's strange, really, to be in a relationship where you know what the other person is feeling. Completely different than when I thought I was a bloody experiment to stave off the boredom.

I'm… She's the best thing in my life right now. She… she understands. She knows that when I stop listening to her it's not because I don't like her or find her boring… it's because I just saw _him _or I'm having a conversation with someone else. It helps that I was completely honest with her off the bat. Maybe I was trying to push her away.

When we had first met, it was obvious that she was different. It's not like she didn't know about the fall of the Reichenbach hero, it's just that she treated me as a human being. It was refreshing. And alarming.

To be honest with myself, I was afraid of her. I mean, she was so… perfect… and I was wondering why she'd ever grace me with her presence. It's not that she was perfect, per say, because obviously she's not. She's not full of herself either, like some prats I know. Of course she has flaws… she doesn't like to talk about her previous marriage or her brothers and she has a habit of biting her nails. But that wasn't what really scared me.

I suppose I thought myself as dull. I thought I was broken, an idiot, delusional… which, to be fair, was true. I mean I saw bloody Sherlock Holmes everywhere I went and heard his witty retorts and never-ending commentary.

It's really hard to focus my thoughts sometimes. Not all of us can categorize their minds into a special little mind palace. I can't even really remember what I was speaking about.

Right, so, delusions. I suppose it wasn't enough for me to be an emotionally scarred soldier, but now I think that's the least of my worries. Seeing Sherlock fall… the blood everywhere…

I can't help it, my leg twitches as I remember running… running to stop it, to stop all the _blood._

"John?"

I look over and notice Mary beside me, looking at me with concern.

"Sorry. I'll turn off the lamp," I smile tightly. It's weird… sharing a flat with someone again. Especially weird that my flatmate sleeps… no less, sleeps beside me! I lean over to turn off the lamp when she puts a hand on my chest, stopping me.

"No, it's not a problem," she smiles at me. She has a nice smile, really. It's a little crooked and her hair is all mussed up, but I think she looks lovely. I decide right in that moment that kissing her is definitely at the top of my priorities, so I do. It's refreshing to be able to just… kiss someone when you want to.

"Still, I didn't mean to wake you up."

She's still smiling. She's ever so patient… and not an expectant patient either. She doesn't wait for me, she just lets me be who I am and accepts that. "Writing another one of your adventures, are we darling?" she teases lightly, not expecting me to answer.

I shrug, beginning to smile genuinely. I look down at the pen in my hand as if in surprise. "Goodness gracious, it appears I am indeed writing!"

She laughs and rests her head on my shoulder. It's nice to be depended on like that, without any pressure. "Mm, well, I'm going to go make some tea, do you know what the time is?" she asks, crawling out of bed.

I rub my eyes and stare down at my watch, trying to make out the numbers.

"John, I reckon you need some reading glasses," she says to me.

I smile and shrug. "But we both know I'm never going to wear them." I squint down at the watch, all the numbers finally straightening themselves out. "It's four thirty in the morning."

She nods, standing up and stretching. "Did you get any sleep? I seem to recall you snoring at one point in the night."

I raise an eyebrow. "Me? Snoring?" she nods, heading to the doorway. "Well you take up all the room in the bed!" I yell as she leaves me alone again, in the near darkness.

Really, life's not so bad. I'm not even really all that nervous about asking Mary to marry me. I know the answer. I know she'll probably tease me a bit about waiting for so long. She even picked out the ring when I asked her to.

And Sherlock? Well, he's always going to be around.


End file.
